Humbled

Six hours of my day today was devoted to touring different community health sites to help us understand what some of our patients will have to go home to. Our first site was the Road House. It is pretty much like a homeless shelter in emergency situations. Most people are only allowed to stay there for 90 days, and they are 'kicked out' of the facility between the hours of 7:30 AM til 4:30 PM to encourage the people to get jobs and get back on their feet. I didn't really know what to expect, but I had volunteered in the kitchen at homeless shelters before but never had really seen how they lived. Boy was this a wake up call. I hate to admit this, but the stench alone in this place was nauseating. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, because it wasn't a poop-type smell or a moldy smell, I think it might have just been dirty clothes/body odor smell. Anyway, we toured the building and I had previously guess about 100 people live in the building. NO. Over six hundred people live here, and when the recession was at its worse, families just started living in the hallways. Our tour guide informed us that only 2 families had to live out in the hall. We were also taken to the single men and single women areas of living. We walked into the single men dormitory and the lights switch on and there is just a sea of dumpy bunk beds squished side by side in a room that is probably half the size of a basketball court. I was informed that over 300 men were sleeping there. A bathroom is shared with hundreds of people. You get no personal space whatsoever and I'm sure you don't exactly get a lot of sleep on these mattresses that are only about an inch thick. As I stared around the room, I had to try hard to suppress tears because as I thought about what their daily routine must look like compared to mine, I had to admit I live a pretty glamorous life which was mostly given to me.

Next was the Christmas Box house. I'm not sure if anyone has heard of "The Christmas Box" book that was written by the man who started this shelter, but apparently it's a moving story and this house was started up through the profit of the book because the author and his wife didn't want to spoil their kids. We learned about how kids who are beaten, sexually abused, or their parents are on drugs and are neglected come here as a refuge to live or are taken away from their parents through social services. They had a 6 year old there that had never been potty trained and are working to train her in very basic social and emotional abilities. It was very sad to see the little dorms that these kids stay in and hear the stories about the kids. One family of 7 children kept being taken away from their parents because they were on drugs and eventually were put up for adoption. They got split into 3 homes. I thought about how that must feel and thinking of all of my brothers and sisters being in separate families permanently. I also realized at the moment that I needed to stop personalizing all these situations so I could keep it together.

The other two places were the Neighborhood house and the Utah Food Bank. Those weren't as sad because the Neighborhood House is a place for underprivileged populations of every age to come and do activities at. The Utah Food Bank was interesting to tour but showed me that the only food they really get donated is the processed, unhealthy food, which was clearly linked to the obese population in poorer communities.

I came home and have been running errands ever since because I kind of haven't been able to sit down and think about all of it until now. I feel very anxious and panicky and I suppose its because I keep feeling guilty and sad for how many people in the world don't get to experience what I experience. My life seems to hit pretty close to perfect when you compare it to what many people live with. I kind of don't know what to do with myself right now. But I guess all I can do is be grateful for the little and big things I have and try and help out where I can in the community.