Scalpel, check!

*CAUTION: If you have a weak stomach, you might not want to read this, but you should get over it because I will only continue to talk about gross things in the future!*

I got to work today and realized I had only three patients (typically I have 6-7) and was overseeing a new aide and training her. I really couldn't believe I am now in the position to train others, and had to ask the charge nurse if that was really correct. Anyways, one of my patients was a prisoner. He just went to jail a few days ago on multiple DUI charges, but then they had to admit him to the hospital because he has tuberculosis. Great. Do you know what that means? Since it's an airborne illness, we have to strap on astronaut looking head gear which has a ventilator and suction in the mask, and the machine sits on your hip like a fanny pack. It's annoying to get on so you hope that a TB patient doesn't call much, but apparently this patient enjoyed soiling himself in his own feces and urine and watching the RNs and CNAs clean up his mess and liked others wiping his butt for him. He did this 6 times before 4 PM, but that's when the fun began. His doctors needed to place a chest tube and they invited me to help and watch. SWEET! And see, it wasn't just sweet I could watch, it was sweet because the doctors were talking to ME and they called me by my name! I'm not exactly supposed to talk to doctors ever, so I felt special!
After the patient was sedated, I got supplies ready for the surgery/procedure and held the patients arms down so they wouldn't flail about even under the anesthesia. A chest tube had to be placed because fluid/pus had built up in his pleural sac. Anyways, they cut through the ribs with just a small hole and place a tube that is attached to a suction. This man's skin was hard to get through, and when the doctor did get to the pleural cavity, it was like on TV. Fluid was shooting out and it was making noises like when a soda can is about to blow. They were able to get the tube in and I am sweating from holding this man in place and because I'm having to wear the stupid astronaut hood. During the whole procedure, the Attending was teaching me about what the Resident was doing and the science behind it all. It was so cool! It was the first time I've seen someone cut into and it was awesome.
Luckily, the prisoner was passed out until 7 when I got floated to Rehab, so I didn't have to clean up any of his poo. However, getting floated to the Rehab unit usually sucks. It's all paras, quads, and other disabled people so there's a lot of bowel care. But this time, I got to babysit an older man who had brain trauma. Hilarious. I watch him for a good ten minutes as he kept picking up the receiver of the phone, jabbing the earpiece, and trying to read his dinner menu as if it had important numbers he needed to call. I asked him who he was calling, he replied "I'm calling Peaches, but I can't make out her number next to it." Sir, that says 4 oz of peaches, you ate that for dinner. The confusion continued but at least it made for an interesting night. He also thought he was 18 years old, when in reality, he was 66. Don't hit your head people! At least he wasn't like this one patient I had who would scream she was pregnant with cats and she thought the phlebotomists were vampires.